(if only it were as easy as saying so.)

I'm going to go on a date.

I'm that guy

The guy who gets temporarily fired and goes to San Francisco.

I'm staying in the well appointed downtown pad of some friends and their dogs. Directly across the street is the opera house where I saw the Phillip Glass Ensemble perform Koyaniskatsi. Four blocks over is the city hall where Gavin Newsom performed a mass marriage ceremony for hundreds of same-sex couples in 2004. I woke up that morning and cried, listening to the account of all those people, some young, many old, who had waited for so long. Yes I'm that guy, in that city, and now I feel free.

Maggie Gyllenhaal will make your life better.

You've no need to see the movie Happy Endings. However, its finale is quite like Tom Cruise's cameo in Tropic Thunder: brilliant.



Seeing this film has given rise-- again-- to my latent desires to perform as a lounge singer. So I'll work on a collection of songs to learn for my accordion eventually. Batman took a trip to San Francisco and I have the house to myself to practice. Yum!

On Sunday...

"Michael hates enthusiasm."
"Enthusiasm leads to genocide."
"Actually, it's resource scarcity."

"Hey, it's Diana Ross!"

"Of course. Haven't you seen 'The Wiz'?"
"Yes. But it doesn't follow logically that she would be performing the theme song of a dinosaur movie!"
"It would if it were 1988."


We've just watched 'The Land Before Time' (executively produced by George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, if you'd believe it, and directed by Don Bluth of 'All Dogs Go To Heaven'). For some reason, school in Walla Walla was canceled today.

MLK Day

Who can declare a holiday?

For your birthday...

I decided that you should have a working toilet.
The plumber's going to be here @ 10am tomorrow.

What I'm doing right now.

A rainy Mexican Riviera day

I came prepared for everything. Three bathing suits and enough sun lotion for a swim team. Cash and credit cards. Paperwork and great beach books, a mobile blog publishing device, and the damn wedding pants. Somehow I forgot my umbrella and rain gear.

In my morning haze, it sounded like someone upstairs was taking a very long shower. It turned out it was just raining. A lot.

Rufus and The Judgment Day

RUFUS WAINWRIGHT WAS SOARING INTO THE CLIMAX OF BEAUTIFUL CHILD.

I only knew that I was dying-- on the way to meeting my maker.
Then I awoke.

It was a trap. I've been having nightmares about stalkers with knives and cellphones. Certainly one was hidden outside my bedroom door right now, ready to plunge his dagger into my jugular.

Then I realized that it was 3:25am and Rufus Wainwright was only crooning so damn loud at this ridiculous hour because my housemate forgot to turn off his alarm before leaving the country.

I'd have forgotten about it if I'd been able to fall asleep quickly after dismantling the alarm.

For about 20 minutes, I wondered if I'd conceived a child. Then hurried up to the bathroom to find out. Blood.

I was sure I'd be able to fall asleep easily after that. But then I began to consider the e-mail I received yesterday: the Judge wasn't pleased with the recommendation and really wants to hear from you. I probably need you to come in for a meeting... What does a Judge need with me?

Mobile Blogger Leaves Country, Leaves Officials Baffled

Famed blogger and social commentator Michael 'Smallface' Espinoza may leave the country today, intelligence experts say. Possible reasons for the sudden flight may involve the illegal export of mobile blogging devices.

"Smallface is involved in some risky business," says Seattle CIA field chief Maynard Schlessinger, "the proliferation of mobile blogging is a threat to national security, and frankly, to all humanity."

Espinoza has become an internationally infamous personality, which poses the concern that many copy-cat blogging incidents may take place.

"People as far away as Canada have attempted to post blogs without wires. Luckily, we have been able to stop them, but if this threat were to spread to Mexico, it could mean the end of wired blogging and human decency," warned Schlessinger.

Conspiracy theorists claim that Mexico is the definitive destination of the notorious blogger, and according to his own blog he plans to, "vacation on the beach and get a
Killer tan!"

Through the roof! And underground!

And the post-script: I might be fasting from Q-tip usage, coffee, heartbreak, sugar, cuss words, and dairy. But Bruce knows we sometimes break our own rules; albeit he still loves me.

I'm going on a blast. Okay, back.

I'm going on a fast.

We understood one another perfectly.

I re-read this passage from Joe Wenderoth's Letter's to Wendy's:
'December 3, 1996
Today I had fifteen dollars worth of coffees. I got them one at a time, and dined in. The first five were leisurely, but then the leisure disintegrated. I went through the last five in about five minutes. After awhile the register girl looked at her manager as if to say: "Is there something we should do?" The manager said nothing. I said nothing. We understood one another perfectly.'

"Some psychiatrists say that people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely." -from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown by Clark Gesner, based upon the comic strip Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz.

I LOVE Armageddon Week.

It's not pleasant to discuss in mixed company; however, the prolonged exposure to The Armageddon Video Gallery leads one to ponder further questions of The Apocalypse.

Should we survive, albeit in debilitating pain, what will friendship look like?
Will we simply develop relationships based upon material alliances?
Will we still be capable of developing friendship because of our subjectivities?



I won the game of Settlers of Catan last night by making friends with everyone and then surprising them by having hidden Victory Points. Cat Woman was in utter disbelief at my Dark Horse Victory.

Disaster!

Disasters on the Increase, Are These the End Days?

Disasters happen now more than ever according experts associated with apocalyptic theories. The evidence: volcanoes, floods, hurricanes (that fill the Gulf of Mexico!), and tsunamis, a virtual apocalypse-grade coincidence of disastrous events.

The possible cause of these events, according to the same experts, is the scheduled cosmic alignment on Dec. 21, 2012, at which time the sun will be perfectly aligned with the center of the galaxy. Such an alignment will bring about a political/natural event so cataclysmic that it will result in the end of the world.

Some theorists take solace in this event, as the "end" also marks the possibility of a new beginning.

"While this apocalypse will be marked by serious devastation, undoubtedly creating unbearable conditions on earth, it may be a chance to discover new ways of being, a sort of wake-up call for the responsible use of free will."

Other theorists are not so hopeful.

"The earth will be effectively purged of all life in 2012. We should consider ourselves to be the dinosaurs of this epoch."

Despite debate over the true effect of this impending apocalyptic event, one truth is unanimously agreed upon: "We know for sure that December 20, 2012 is the last day anyone should expect to carry on as normal. After that, we will all be dead or under tremendous, debilitating pain."

"Don't forget to take your pill!"

This from a man who only minutes before had exposed me to John Waters' Pink Flamingos, starring Divine. It was filthy.



But, in spite of exposing me to radical polemics, Bruce does got my back.

First Damn Blog of 2009

One of our plans for this year-- aside from loving Alfred more and drinking more, or less-- is to explore friendship. It could very well be the thing upon which all our ethics and ideas about ourselves hinge.

I suggested to Bruce that he do something he'd never done before-- read Agatha Christie's "Murder on the Orient Express". I find something utterly beautiful-- like the vulnerability of sleep-- in the complete at-homeness of an engrossed reader.